Nyamazela

“There is no place like home.”
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, by Lyman Frank Baum

Gazump /ɡəˈzʌmp/ v: to offer a higher price for a house than (a buyer whose offer has already been accepted by the seller) and thus succeed in buying the property instead.

Gazunder /ɡəˈzʌndə/ v: to offer a lower price for a house after your initial offer has already been accepted by (the seller of a property), typically just before the exchange of contracts. In the shipbroking business, this is also called ‘back-trading’.

INFORMAL•BRITISH•LEGAL

Welcome to the nightmare that is buying a house in England… Continue reading A Tale of Five Houses

Last week Lamar told me he was losing hope that he’d be. able to. influence the culture… I told Lamar that Oscar Wilde dad that the most frightening thing about prison ‘is not that it breaks one’s heart – hearts are made to be broken – but that it turns one’s heart to stone.’ ‘I worry that if I stay in the job I’ll get used to prison and I’ll go numb,’ Lamar said.

The Life Inside: A Memoir of Prison, Family and Learning to be Free by Andy West

On 6th September, 21-year-old Daniel Khalife, a resident on remand in HMP Wandsworth, while working in the prison kitchen, managed to strap himself onto the underside of a delivery van and escape custody. During the 4 day man-hunt for Khalfe the British press drip-fed us with intel and details including footage of said van pulling over at Wandsworth Roundabout (less than 100m from our flat in London), where an eye-witness had seen the prisoner disembark from the van. 

I suppose this news may be unremarkable to some. Prison breaks happen. And there’s an American TV series to prove it, right?

But they are infrequent in the UK and only this one happened on my doorstep.  It was also the week I escaped. Continue reading Released

“I wish I could knock down this building and build something more imaginative; a place that aimed to heal rather than merely contain people; where trusting and trustworthiness were nurtured; where the deprivation was not so extreme that people had to become ‘manipulative’ to meet their basic needs; where security were able to discriminate between people who are and aren’t genuinely dangerous, instead of jadedly assuming that everyone is a scorpion in waiting. But the building still stands.”

The Life inside – A  Memoir of Prison, Family and Learning to be Free by Andy West

All through the prison, depending on where you find yourself (the recovery wing, the chapel, the yards, security, the gym medical or education), sayings and warnings are painted and pinned up on the walls:

• • • ‘Lock it, Prove it!’  
    • ‘If it isn’t written down, it didn’t happen.’ 
    • ‘One drink is too many, a thousand’s not enough.’
    • ‘Hand sanitiser is dangerous, do not drink.’
    •  ‘The chapel is closed for refurbishments, but God is available 24-7 to hear your prayers.’
    • ‘Feral cats, do not feed!’
    • ‘✋🏻 STOP, THINK, don’t blur the lines!’
    • ‘Are you sick and tired of feeling sick and tired?’

But the most important one is … ‘Nothing in, Nothing out, No Favours’!

On 14/08/23 I committed my first prison violation … Continue reading Nothing in, Nothing out, No favours

1 July 2016:

“The first thing that hits m is the noise: yelling, banging, screaming, grunting, barking, threatening, ranting, laughing, whining, arguing, fighting, howling, crying.  It’s as if someone has downloaded every single sound effect and is blaring them all out at once. The reception wing looks like it last had a makeover in 1895 … My cell is about 6ft by 12ft. The mattresses on the bunk beds are made from heavy-duty blue plastic, designed for the easy cleaning of bodily fluids. At the back is a hideous toilet that doesn’t have a seat. There’s no privacy curtain. The floor is cold concrete, and it all smells pretty bad. Sitting on the bottom bunk is a tanned bald man in his 60s. He has a thin face with wire-rimmed glasses and is eating his dinner off a chair while watching TV. He introduces himself as Ted, and explains he’s just been rearrested in Spain, having absconded from a previous lengthy sentence for drug-smuggling.”

A Bit of a Stretch by Chris Atkins

I was recently a victim of crime. I was shocked at the time, and I’m still somewhat in awe of the perpetrator who was obviously a skilled thief, and probably working as part of a gang.

Date: 1st July 2023 Time: approx 12:30 Place: Exmouth Esplanade

Crime: Daylight robbery, Turkish delight ice cream in a waffle cone.

Offender: British seagull, a prolific re-offender, still at large.

Witnesses: Me and Hubby (I still maintain I MOCK-cried! Nevertheless, thank you to Hubby for buying me another ice cream).

Image left: Not me (obvs), but I’m sure that’s the exact face I pulled.

Continue reading Robbed!

“Here today, up and off to somewhere else tomorrow! Travel, change, interest, excitement! The whole world before you, and a horizon that’s always changing!”

The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame

In the prison, we begin all therapeutic groups with a check-in. I’ll start.

Hi, I’m  Nyamazela, a perpetual student. Not feeling so strong today, but better than yesterday. Pleased to be back in the blogosphere.

We encourage the men to use feeling words that don’t begin with ‘F’. This helps them engage with their emotions and improves their vocabulary. The results usually go something like, “Hi, I’m John, I’m an addict. Feeling good today. Looking forward to the group.” Continue reading Check-in

Well, hello, dear ones – good morning, good afternoon or good evening!*

Wherever you are, I hope you have a hot cuppa in hand (I have) with something to dip or a decent glass of wine. I’ve just re-read my November blog – wow, it’s like going back in time. I mean it literally is, but I’m amazed at how much has changed since that last blog post. Continue reading A bit of a catch up over a cuppa